Curbing Toxic Relationships

Curbing Toxic Relationships

By Elizabeth Barrera

The end of 2017 is right around the corner which only means that New Year’s resolutions are a short distance away. And with each New Year resolution comes a trace of negativity in hopes to correct something that is no longer making us happy. I, for one, am all for losing a few more inches off my waist, clearing my skin, and bringing in a bigger paycheck. However, there are quite a few other things I can think of that are just as detrimental to our health, well-being, and self-perception. One, for example, is removing all toxic relationships from our lives.

Toxic relationships can range from anything like a significant other to our relationship with work, and even our self-perception. It doesn’t necessarily have to be connected to anything romantically, because at the end of the day, toxic relationships rely and various common factors. They essentially all share the same basis: they leave you confused, empty, and unhappy.

Not sure if you’re dealing with a toxic relationship? Let me try to spell it out for you.

The Situationship

Urban Dictionary’s definition: A relationship that has no label on a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.

See the confusing layer of it? But why spell it out any further? There’s no need to do so. We’re in 2017, going onto 2018. F*ckboys (and f*ckgirls) are on the rise and cuffing season is no longer leading to anything remotely close to a commitment.

But guess what? You don’t have to deal with a half-assed relationship full of open invitations and inconsistencies all for a warm body to lay next to at night. Know your worth and stand your ground.

In Ice Cube’s words: check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self. Seriously though, figure out what you’re doing before entering the new year with negative energy.

The Unhealthy Committed Relationship

This one’s a tough one, specifically because I’m not an advocate for giving up when things get hard, especially when it comes to love and being in a relationship. However, there are times when calling it quits is the best thing to do.

To me, allowing a relationship to reach its end should only be considered if one of the following elements is affecting your relationship:

  • They’re cheating
  • Physical or psychological abuse is present
  • They disrespect you, your family, or friends constantly
  • You don’t trust them
  • You’re more sad than you are happy

Some of the factors above are more extreme than others, so I completely understand if you stick around and both make a conscious effort to make things work. If so, talk to each other and find a way to meet halfway.

The Outgrown Long-Term Friendship

People tend to have this idea that long-term friendships are loyal and good for our souls. And though I don’t think completely removing them from our lives is the best thing to do, I do think that placing distance between toxic friends and us is very important.

One thing that people don’t understand is that sometimes we outgrow friendships, specifically when our friends are at a different maturity level than we are. So they like to live on the wild side, they’re single and they’d rather spend their weekends out with the guys at the bottle service, or maybe they’re okay with sticking to the same retail job from college.

That’s fine. Those are their choices to make, not yours. But if they are no longer helping you grow as a person, supporting your decisions, or helping you reach your full potential, then you don’t need them in your everyday life. And please remember, that’s okay.

The Awful Job

Yes, we also have a relationship with our jobs. Why? It’s where we spend half of our day, five days per week. Our job should be making us feel fulfilled, challenged, and inspired. If we don’t feel content at our workplace or eager to get to work every morning, then we’ve got to really thing about our goals and what we can do to change our current situation.

Do a little research online and look at different career options within your area of expertise. Identify the key elements of your daily job that you actually do enjoy and go from there. Your job shouldn’t be making you unhappy. Instead, it should make you grow professionally.

There are times when we may feel stuck, but this doesn’t have to be one of those times. Poke around professional websites and see what you can find for yourself. Get ready for a new year of growth and opportunity for yourself and never block your blessings. Don’t be afraid to take the risk!

Your Negative Self-Perception

Our relationship with ourselves is ultimately the most important relationship we can have, because we attract what we see in ourselves, and who wants something or someone negative in their life? To begin attracting better, we must first curb the toxic relationship we have with our negative self-perception.

If we begin to view ourselves as strong, confident people, then we will attract strong, confident people. The goal should be to always feel that we’re good enough, and not push ourselves to the ground when we know we are trying. Acknowledging our efforts and the accomplishments we’ve made thus far will help us move forward and realize the capacity of our talents, character, and ambition.

Don’t sell yourself short and don’t make sacrifices for people who aren’t willing to do the same for you. Always look at yourself and see the beauty lying within you, because it is there. Look past your flaws, accept compliments, and let people warm your heart. Believe the beauty they say they see in you, because it’s true.

Love yourself first and the rest will fall in place.

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