Worst Things We’ve Done When Drunk
St. Patrick’s Day is quickly approaching. While we at Polarity ALWAYS encourage responsible drinking (especially on a day dedicated to a saint!), sometimes we drink more than we can handle. This usually leads to situations that are either humiliating, despicable, or downright awful. The following are the worst drunk stories, either from our own staff, this Voat thread, or submitted anonymously to our website.
Some stories have been edited for clarity and concision.
Crazy_j (submission): I was with a buddy one night. We met these girls and went back to one of their houses. My buddy takes one of them upstairs, while I stay downstairs with the other. I pull out a bag and spin up a spliff, thinking she needs something to take the edge off. She sees my green and flips out, yelling and screaming, and she runs out the front door with my fifth of Jack Daniels. No drink, finished my smoke, no girl. So I start to get pissed. I pace the living room a minute, and in the corner is one of those glass cases like what people show off their treasured items in. This one's filled with little porcelain unicorns. Dozens and dozens of unicorns.So I just started picking them up one by one, snapping the horns off them, and putting them back exactly where they were. Every single one. Turns out - and I didn't find this out until weeks later - turns out that the apartment we were in was the chick's grandma's place. Grandma came home from the hospital and saw that her unicorn collection had been defiled, and took it really, really bad. If I'm the man I am now, and saw my younger self doing something like that at a party or whatever, I'd probably kick my own ass.
Polarity staff member: I was “dating” this guy, we were texting and I was in my feelings. I then decided to call him. I left a voicemail. It started off happy, then I went off on a rant, was angry, started crying, and then I apparently started singing...crazy much? I think so.
Anonymous submission: I was really, really nervous about a date because I had had a crush on this girl for ages. My stomach doesn’t react well to anxiety, so I probably drank more than I should’ve. The stomach situation was not aided by the fact that this girl wanted to get Indian food that night. She invites me back to her place for a drink, I should’ve said no, because as soon as I walked in the door I knew something was wrong. I broke into a cold sweat and waddled to the bathroom as fast as I could with my butt cheeks clenched. I made it to the toilet with a second to spare. But the damn toilet wouldn’t flush! Now in drunken, panic mode, I frantically look around for a plunger. There is none. Drunk me decides that the best thing to do is to climb out the window. I never heard from her again.
Polarity staff member: I was at a party that was a super awkward because a girl was there who had cheated on her boyfriend, and all of the ex-couple’s mutual friends were there. After a few too many beers, I started loudly talking trash about the girl, who I didn’t realize was right behind me. She started freaking out and crying, which I took as an indication to start crying too. So now we’re both in the kitchen crying while everyone else slowly backs away. She storms out of the party and hasn’t spoken to anyone from that party since.
Newoldwave (submission): Stood on a table, dropped pants and mooned everyone in a bar. Friends (and ex friends) told me about it the next day. Good thing they didn't have smart phones then.
Polarity staff: I left the party I was at and started wandering down empty school hallways and tried to climb a net at a park but failed miserably and fell down. I then proceeded to lay in the sand and laugh at the stars. The guy who was babysitting me (walking around with me) wasn’t very happy.
- Wolvenwargod (submission): I pissed in my buddy’s fridge once. I don’t remember anything else.