Why Women Are Afraid to Ask "What Are We"
By Elizabeth Barrera
We’ve all met the girl who wants to know all the answers to love and companionship. The girl who needs to put a title on every relationship so that she can be at ease and comfortable. Many of us have even been that girl. Despite wanting to have all the answers though, she rarely ever asks “so what are we?” What, you may ask, keeps women from being upfront about what they want instead of conforming to the new norm: “I’m just talking to/seeing/dating _____.”
Well, the answer is actually quite simple. Women don’t ask because they’re afraid. If you’ve seen That Awkward Moment starring Zac Efron, you will clearly understand why women are afraid to ask the million dollar question.
Zac Efron and his buddies have this golden rule. Whenever a girl says “so….” that means she’s about to ask where the relationship is going, where it stands, etc. Once this happens, the guys completely cut off communication and say that they aren’t looking for anything serious.
So here it goes: Women are fearful of men wanting to cease contact with them.
Women are afraid of hearing something they won’t like. As women, we’re afraid of being labeled as clingy, crazy, or that we’re moving too fast. The double standards aren’t helping us much either. If a man were to ask the same “what are we” question, he’d be perceived as a gentleman who isn’t about the games, and instead, uses his morale to demonstrate his respect and admiration for his partner. However, when we do the same thing, we’re suddenly needy and annoying.
Sometimes we’re afraid of asking because we start getting too comfortable in the situation and think it’s going to be okay to continue living without knowing how they feel about us. Granted, this doesn’t apply to all women, but some of us fall into this bad habit one too many times. We feel like we’re okay with not having a clear idea of what the relationship is, what the boundaries are, and what to expect from the other person. We immediately put ourselves in second place and prefer to suffer rather than know how they feel. We’d rather be strung along than have him disappear from our lives. That’s where we’re mistaken because why would we feel okay with being in second place when we’re very well deserving to be in first?
Put it this way, you’re doing everything correctly to be in that first place, right? But never want to ask to see if you have competition. For all you know, there could be nobody else, or there could. But you just assume there’s someone else and it makes you fight even harder for that position. Except you’re not openly asking for the position, so there’s plenty of room for you to lose without knowing so. When you find out that they don’t want you romantically, you’re more crushed because of the effort you’ve put into this relationship (for God knows how long), when you could’ve known the answer all along and saved yourself from the heartbreak and the troubles and the wasted time; everything.
This all sounds super confusing, right? That’s because the nature of it is confusing, and it shouldn’t be.
So ladies, don’t be afraid to ask. You are worthy to be with somebody who can offer just as much as you’re willing to give. Don’t discredit yourself and don’t think you don’t deserve it, because you do. If you’re putting in effort, you’re loyal, you’re honest, if you’re showing that you care, than why are you not worth it?
Don’t think that way.
Talk to them, keep an open and honest communication between the two and let them know what you want the minute you realize you want more. Don’t let the minutes and days pass you by.
Never be afraid of receiving an answer that can potentially be a life changer for you. It can be rejection or it can be acceptance, but you won’t know until you ask.