How Soon is Too Soon to Have Sex?
By Elizabeth Barrera
I feel like this question comes up pretty frequently because we don’t want things to move too fast or or are afraid to mess up what’s currently there. So, maybe we decide to hold off, but even then, we’re conflicted. If you wait too long, there may be room for either of you to no longer be interested in each other. But then if you do it too quickly, the relationship can be headed in the wrong direction. So, when exactly is the best time to introduce sexual intimacy into a new relationship?
Let’s start with this: If you came here to get an exact date and time, down to the last second, then let me tell you that you’re out of luck. Not because that’s information I don’t want to share with you, but because you can’t really set a date or time for things like this. A specific date and time just don’t exist. Ask multiple friends and you’ll get a wide range of answers. While one may tell you that you can do whatever you want with your body, the other may tell you that you haven’t been dating the guy long enough to have sex with him. You can ask multiple couple’s counselors, and even they’ll all have different opinions in regards to the time frame. So, when should you?
The answer is a lot more complex through an analytical perspective, but rather simple overall.
You should have sex whenever you feel ready to have sex. Whether it be at the three-week mark, one-month mark, that same night, or even years down the road, you should be sexually active with your partner whenever you both decide you’re ready.
Every relationship will vary. There are too many factors to bring into the picture, that listing each one would be absurd and still complex. You can hold off on sex and have the perfect relationship, or you can hold off on it and your relationship can be a disaster. Overall, it’s a mutual decision that you and your partner must make. And it’s okay to wait just as much as it’s okay to have sex early, as long as you’re both okay and happy with the decision you’ve made. The right expectations have to be set and both parties must agree.
If you’re truly looking to build something with your partner, then my overall advice would be to take things slow and really get to know the person on a more personal level rather than rushing into sex because of raging hormones. Get to know the person you’re dating, share experiences with them specifically like a first kiss or a first intimate hug. Emotional connections are always important if you’d like to maintain a long-lasting relationship. Sex without an emotional connection will always be just that - sex. So knowing where you both stand and understanding where the relationship is headed can help build a strong and healthy relationship. Strong communication between you both will remove misinterpretations and will instead create a more positive outcome.
Whatever your decision may be, ensure to both reach a level of understanding. And always remember that it’s your decision and your partner’s decision. Not a counselor’s, not your best friend’s, not your mom’s; yours.