The Problem with Being the Side Chick
By Elizabeth Barrera
Let me first make it clear that the side chick title doesn’t only apply to women dating/sleeping with men who are in committed relationships. Men who won't make anything official with any woman can have a bunch of side chicks until they start seriously dating the one that’s worth more of their time. The traditional side chick is no longer the only side chick option (sorry, ladies). There are multiple types out there, all depending on the situation of course. Let’s take a look at the new array of options:
- The side chick who’s with the guy who has a girlfriend. The traditional side chick is obviously the woman who’s actively sleeping with and seeing a man in a committed relationship. We all know how their relationship works out. Take for example Fabolous and his infamous side chick anthem: Can’t Let You Go. Because of this song, we get to see a clear view of his mind which demonstrates his inability to let his main chick or side piece go. It’s evident that he has a woman/wife/girlfriend - he’s committed to another woman but still has a girl on the side. Crazy how people do that huh? The biggest problem here? The fact that he’s cheating on another woman and using the side piece for thrill and excitement, based on sex.
- The side chick who’s with a guy dating multiple women and won’t commit to any. This one’s the girl who’s dating a guy who’s also dating three more like her (slight exaggeration). I’m talking about the girl who’s stuck in a casual fling, but still somehow finds herself as the side piece because only he knows about her. The biggest problem here? He won’t make a decision, feelings are involved, and she’s getting strung along.
- The side chick who’s with the guy who’s still hung up on his ex. Lastly, there’s the girl who’s dating a guy who’s still missing and loving his ex. The “side chick” in this situation clearly wants something with him, but he can’t seem to let go of his past. The biggest problem here? He won’t make a decision as to whether or not he can move on, feelings are involved, and she’s getting strung along.
The common problem in all of these?
Their lack of self-worth.
But the real problem isn’t being the side chick because of their lack of self-worth. The biggest issue is being complacent with being one.
Try to put yourself in an imaginary side chick situation. Try to be that girl. I, for one, leave my crap everywhere. It doesn’t matter who you are to me. I’ll forget my t-shirt, my toothbrush, bobby pins, probably even my undergarments if I showered at someone’s place. Being a side chick isn’t just self-demolishing, but it’s also exhausting. Imagine having to remember to never leave anything behind. Imagine not being able to know anything about him except for his name and hobbies. Imagine waiting and waiting until he makes a decision as to whether or not he’s willing to let the past go and move onto something better with you. Imagine never being introduced to his friends, family, co-workers. Never knowing what his biggest dreams are, where you both stand, or if there’s even a future.
Imagine knowing nothing, but still giving everything.
Now imagine having to share him on top of all that.
Not only are we creating an unfavorable situation for ourselves by being the side chick, but we’re also sending him a detrimental message. Us being okay with being his side chick let’s him know that he can easily reap all the benefits of having a girlfriend without having to deal with titles and commitment. Our complacency then leads him to believe that we’re so strung on him that we’re willing to let go of our dignity. We’re essentially trading our worth and self-respect for not even half of him, while he gets everything else plus the free pass to cheat.
Easy for him, huh? We’re harming ourselves by allowing him to disrespect us and not care. We’re saying it’s okay to be objectified and basically be treated like an ATM card, as Mac Dre would put it. But in all seriousness, by being a side chick, we’re doing ourselves more harm than good. Temporary gratification doesn’t lead to anywhere healthy. It’s not long-lasting and it’s not sincere.
He’ll be reaping all the benefits, but what will you be getting in return?