Things Every College Student Has Thought About
By Vanessa Palencia
If you’re about to enter college, you probably have this fantasized reality of freedom to do whatever you want. If you are going away to college, you probably cannot wait to finally have your parents off your back and do whatever the hell you want. Except...that’s a huge fat lie. College is all about sticking your nose into textbooks and copying notes off your classmate. College is about doing things even when you don’t want to do them, like writing chaotic 10-page papers about why Hamlet went crazy and then going crazy yourself because you don’t understand why your professor would make you write a 10-page paper on something that could have been said in 2 pages. College is about making a decision to either let the assignments tear you down mentally and emotionally or saying “screw it all!” and failing all your courses and still being deep in student debt. If you’re a college student, then you’ll definitely appreciate the list below.
You want me to read this 700 page book in two weeks on top of all the other homework assignments I’m being given in other classes? Ha! Nope.
Do I want a hot body or an A on this paper?
I really wish I had a boyfriend/girlfriend who wouldn’t mind just watching me study as a date.
I’m going to pull an all-nighter to study for this exam. *10 PM arrives* Screw this, I’m going to bed…
I vouch for having a national holiday for whoever invented Sparknotes.
Whoever said that we are expected to study 3 hours per class, be social, live a healthy lifestyle, and sleep 8 hours a day clearly has a warped sense of time.
*Writing an essay about ducks* what has my life come to?
I have no idea what’s going on in this class, so I’m just going to bullshit through this essay.
I don’t understand how I got an A on an essay that I bullshat through.
I need coffee
Don’t fall asleep in class. Don’t fall asleep in class. Don’t fall asleep. Don’t fall….don’t… *zzzz*
I’m not reading this.
I'll just Google it.
I really need coffee....
Wait, I have class right now?!
I’m sorry, I can’t have a social life right now because I have to study for my finals.
*Pulling an all-nighter* I NEED CARBS!!!
Damn it, people, walk faster!
I don’t know how I would survive without Copy & Paste.
Mental note: Thank Google and Wikipedia for helping me make it through college.
Why did we read 5 chapters just to be tested on one?! FML.
I probably shouldn’t have watched Netflix until 2 AM…
Is getting up this early even worth it?
Someone break my leg, so I don’t have to go to class!
How can I get the professor to talk about their weekend the whole class period instead of doing the lecture?
Help me, I'm broke.
Haha, this essay makes me sound smart.
I should really study for this test, but let me check out Facebook first.
Shit, I woke up late again. Oh well. *falls back to sleep*