The Problem with Making Excuses for Your Potential Partner

The Problem with Making Excuses for Your Potential Partner

By Thao Nguyen

Dating is hard, amiright?

Dating without a label or without clear boundaries is difficult, that’s a known fact. Relationships take work, but at least there are explicit expectations and limitations. But the stage before it becomes a relationship? In our day and age that’s a minefield that’s precarious, volatile, and unstable. At least with a real minefield, there’s usually a map or warning signs. With pre-dating, you’re just thrust into the wild with millions of different opinions and possible missteps.

From hearing stories from my friends and from my own limited dating experience, I think the biggest mistake a person can make is letting the potential significant other get away with sh*tty behavior just because “it’s not official yet.” Sound familiar?

I’m talking about letting this person play games with you.

I’m talking about letting this person lie to you or lie about who you are to them.

I’m talking about letting this person expecting you to stay monogamous while they explore their options. 

I’m talking about letting this person call you clingy and needy when you want to talk or text on a regular basis.

There are plenty of ways that a person can do you wrong before a relationship is labeled or before boundaries and expectations are voiced. Some things are understandable and forgivable, other things are not.

If there’s one thing that is never okay, is being treated disrespectfully. Don’t tell yourself that it’s okay for now and that things will change if the two of you ever become more serious. Chances are, if they aren’t already respecting you, putting a label on it won’t change much. No matter what stage of a relationship you are in, you should always feel valued. Don’t ever let your almost-partner make you feel like an afterthought or a chore. Just because you aren’t an established couple doesn’t mean rules don’t apply or that huge mistakes are forgivable. If the person you are going out with can’t step up now, then they really won’t be worth the effort of a real relationship.

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