Are You a Player?
By Elizabeth Barrera
Today, being a player is probably the best role to play because it means you technically don’t lose. And you don’t lose because you don’t catch feelings. If anything, the people you’re playing are actually the ones who lose because if they try to play you, there’s no way for them to be successful because you’re already playing them. But you’re not a bad person for messing with people’s heads. Right? You’re only protecting yourself, guarding yourself, so you don’t fall for someone and get hurt. Unless you’re like Big Pun, you “don’t wanna be a player no more” huh? But wait, let me guess, you’re not really a player, you just crush a lot? Or is it the unclean, non-radio-edited version? If it is, then I’m sorry to say (or congratulations, if this is your goal), you are indeed a player.
Have you learned to master the game? Are you truly qualified to consider yourself a “player”? Let’s check these player traits out:
Dating multiple people at once, and not telling any of them about it. I understand how others may think think that this is not a player move because you’re doing nothing else than exploring your options, but it does become a player move when you’re dating them all, not concerned with finding the right one, and essentially leading them all on. But in a sense, if they don’t know that you’re seeing other people besides just them, then that’s a pretty big problem. Think of it this way. What if you catch feelings for 2 out of the 3 people you’re seeing? What will you do then? How will you tell them both that you can’t decide, while figuring out a way to boot the other one? Yikes.
Dating multiple people at once, without the intention of getting into a relationship with either of them, and still not telling them about it. Cool, so you want to keep your options open. You may be dating one person, but a different one may have caught your eye, so you’re trying to get to know them and seeing if they’re what you’re looking for. But if you’re dating them both, without building something with one of them, or not even telling them you’re openly dating, then that’s a big player move. It doesn’t matter if one of them is your side piece (which let me tell you is even worse for your supposed “I’m not a player” reputation).
Never opening communication in regards to feelings. If you’re never telling the other person how you feel about them or never letting them tell you how they feel, or allowing them to, but downplaying their feelings, then you’re not just a player, you’re also an a**hole. This screams nothing more than “I actually don’t care about you, and I’m just trying to play you by never clarifying what we’re feeling and where we stand.” You don’t care to hear how they feel, or putting a stop to the relationship if you’re not feeling the same way they are. You’re only concerned about yourself and your well-being. Rather than talking about working it out or ending things, you’re stringing them along because you like the comfort and companionship.
Not setting clear expectations. Identifying what it is that you’re doing and what it is you expect the outcome to look like will let them know where they stand in your life. Allowing them to play the guessing game and always leaving them in the gray area is an a**hole move. Good news: you’re in the right direction if you plan to play them. If not, then you better start talking and answering questions.
Identifying intentions. I understand how not everyone is about labels and that relationships take plenty of time to develop in most cases, but identifying where the relationship is going is important for some of us to obtain peace of mind. If you’re not explaining what it is that you plan (or don’t plan) with them, and not giving them the communication they deserve, then it just shows how much you clearly don’t care. Everyone has intentions, so don’t say you don’t have any.
All these traits have one common denominator, and that’s communication. If you focus on communicating and constantly reminding the person/people you're dating or helping them understand what it is that you want and need, then you’re on the right track. Otherwise, you’re doing nothing more than becoming an additional player out here in this cold world. Don't be another jerk with their phone on "Do No Disturb" at 8pm on a Saturday night, five different unsaved numbers, or even worse, saved numbers with restaurant names. People deserve better than that and so do you. Don't be a player no more and quit crushing a lot (Big Pun).