Men Looking at Other Women is Not a Reflex, It’s a Habit That Can Be Broken
By Vanessa Palencia
Ladies, are you fed up with being told that you shouldn’t get upset when your man looks at another woman because it’s supposedly normal? Me, too. In a perfect world, your man would love you, cherish you, and have eyes for only you. Any other woman that passed by would only be a blur of a human being, but that’s not the case.
When I Googled “why men look at other women,” all I found were articles that explained how it’s natural for men to look at other women and that women shouldn’t get upset by it because it doesn’t mean anything. Instead of calming me down, those words infuriated me to the core because, to me, it doesn’t matter if that 20-second stare didn’t mean anything, it’s the idea that for a brief moment, he was more fascinated with that other woman than the one he already has. But wait, it gets better.
In a study, researchers found that “it is in their genes to find strangers more attractive…” but women shouldn’t fret because “Within seconds of her disappearing from view, he has no memory of any of these women.” I’m sure that we all forget our favorite items when they are no longer in our sight, but let me ask you this: when you’re at your local restaurant and see an amazing new dish added to their menu, you’re probably tempted to try it, but end up ordering your usual dish because it’s your favorite, you love it. You’d tell me, then, that during that moment of temptation in looking at the hot, new dish, you weren’t considering it? And you’re telling me that in that when men look at other women, even for a fraction of a second, he isn’t considering that other woman? Even when he’s with his own woman? Well, ladies, it turns out that he is.
Louann Brizendine, UCSF Professor of Psychiatry, says that “[male] visual brain circuits are always on the lookout for fertile mates. Whether or not they intend to pursue a visual enticement, they have to check out the goods.” While scientific research asserts that it’s in men’s genes to instinctively react and look at another female, women aren’t necessarily taking it lightly, commonly countering it with a heated argument, interrogation session, or the cold shoulder. But while men may have naturalistic urges to look, women have justified reasons to get upset.
You see, men treat their staring problem as a reflex, something that can’t be helped, but in reality, it’s a habit that can be broken. Relationship expert Nick Bastion explains that media and advertisements can be blamed for constantly streaming attractive women to sell products and promoting men’s looking behavior. This perpetual reinforcement has brainwashed men to accept that kind of behavior as normal. So ladies, you have every right to be upset, but while part of your anger may be directed towards your man, you should really be blaming the media for endorsing products that play off men’s greatest weakness.
Nevertheless, just because current research seems to be on man’s side, it doesn’t give men the right to look all he wants and blame it on “reflex.” Men should continue to respect women by controlling their desire to look. It takes practice to break a bad habit, but it can be done. Meanwhile, the real fight should be against the media promoting and targeting sexual images and ads towards men. If we can denormalize this way of selling products, then we can dwindle men’s desire to look.