The Anti-Pickup Line Starter Pack
By Izamar Flores and Thao Nguyen
Here at Polarity, we’re all about being honest and straightforward as often as possible. So when we get hit on or approached by people we aren’t interested in, we usually respond with a “that’s so nice, but I’m not interested.” But sometimes, this isn’t enough. Sometimes, people don’t want to take no for an answer, and insist and persist. For situations like those, we’ve come up with some fail proof anti-pickup lines. Check them out, and then comment with some of your best anti-pickup lines!
- Them: Are you from Pearl Harbor? Because you’re the bomb!
Me: I have violent diarrhea.
Them: Where have you been all my life?
Me: Thankfully, nowhere near you. Let’s keep it that way, k?
Them: What’s a beautiful girl like you doing out here all alone?
Me: I’m not alone. God is with me. I’m about to become a nun.
Them: *droning on and on about how you look, blah, blah, blah…*
Me: My butt itches. Preparation H helps with that, right?
Them: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?
Me: My oldest cat died...she’s in heaven now...at least I have six left. Would you like to see pictures of them?
Them: I’ve been lost without a girl like you. You’re the only one who can save me.
Me:....15% if you switch to Geico.
Them: You’re so beautiful.
Me:.....does this look infected to you? No, right? It’s been there for like two weeks now.
Them: Did you just fart? ‘Cuz you blow me away.
Me: Actually, it’s funny that you bring that up. I have IBS and I’m trying out this new medication…
Them: Man, your beauty takes my breath away.
Me: Then why aren’t you dead yet?
Them: Can I have your number?
Me: No, it’s mine. You have one already. Greedy ass.
Them: Your body is a temple that I want to worship.
Me: Sorry, temple is closed….permanently.
Them: Damn girl, you fiiiiine.
Me: I’m also not interested.