Why You Should Never Choose Safety Over Love
By Elizabeth Barrera
I, alongside many other The Bachelorette watchers, have felt some type of way following Rachel Lindsey’s decisions. Although the show is absurd and a complete waste of time (my guilty pleasure for the last few months), there are a few parallels to real life and lessons we can all learn. Here are a few:
A ring means nothing.
Settling is never the right choice.
Love takes time.
“A ring means nothing”
I can already hear the crowds roaring. And this isn’t intended to harm anyone’s thoughts, because I, too, believe a ring actually does mean something if taken seriously. To me, an engagement means both people feel in love and ready to take the next step in their relationship. It doesn’t mean “I think we can work out.” It means “I know we can work out.” There are no doubts and there’s nobody walking into the engagement with regret.
A ring shouldn’t be given or accepted just because we like someone and our time is running out. That only demonstrates weakness and desperation. We should aim to give or accept a ring because we feel in our hearts that we’re truthfully prepared and in love, and we can’t imagine our lives next to anybody else.
“Settling is never the right choice”
Settling for the safe person who is willing to give us everything we need versus giving our hearts a chance with someone who we truly love can be more detrimental than we think. You’re probably thinking, “that doesn’t make sense, why would I waste my time on somebody who isn’t giving me everything I need at this particular moment?”
Well, it may not make sense at the very beginning, or at all, unless you’ve been in that situation before. But if you truly love someone, you see potential in your relationship, and they’re wanting to eventually get to the same level of relationship you envision, then why not? All things in life take calculated risk. Whether it be our careers, purchasing homes, or choosing a graduate program. Anything we go after can be successful. It all depends on how much we’re willing to risk and sacrifice for it. So if you know that you’re going to be wondering “what if” for the rest of your life, then are you truly going to be happy with this person? Maybe. Maybe not.
“Love takes time”
What we all saw on Monday night was televised desperation. As harsh as those words may be, it’s the truth. I’ve heard plenty of relationship stories where they fall in love within a short period of time, and I believe these stories. The difference is that they’re not out searching for love, it just happens, and they’re also not dating approximately 30 different people.
For true love to work, the goal shouldn’t be to get a ring as soon as possible. The goal should be to understand, support, and love your partner in every way possible. Love isn’t forced, it’s not pressured, nor is it rushed. If you rush any type of commitment rather than giving it the time it requires, than it’ll be more difficult to see positive results because it wasn’t given the time it deserves.
Essentially, choosing a safe space over true love will only haunt us for the rest of our lives. That may sound a little dramatic, but if you’re doing it right, marriage is a lifelong commitment, so why waste precious time with someone who’s “safe” instead of spending it with someone who’s everything we’ve ever wanted? Accepting a ring when you’re in love with someone else isn’t only harmful to you, but also to the person who gave you the ring. They’ll always be your second choice and your “safe route.” Is that fair to them? Is that fair to you?
I urge you to choose love. It may be difficult at first, but with time, you’ll find that you’ve made the right choice.