How to Move On After a Breakup
By Elizabeth Barrera
Breaking up with someone can be difficult, depending on the reasons why it happened of course. Regardless of the outcome, taking action in breaking up with someone most of the time comes from negative reasons. We’ve either been betrayed, hurt, or the relationship simply isn’t working out anymore.
Earlier this week one of my girls texted me letting me know that she broke up with her man. Initially, I had gone into “mom” mode and was getting ready to comfort her, until I saw her next text that read:
“I need to focus on me, not a relationship. Even if I’m sad, I gotta keep it moving. I have so many more important things to worry about right now like my career and my future. I need to handle shit. I need to do me. Shit happens for a reason. I don’t need distractions or people holding me back from what I wanna do or where I wanna be. We’ve been rocky for a while, I’ve seen the end coming. No matter how much I tried to hold on or make it work, I was hurting myself."
The maturity in her words was amazing, especially because the breakup was so recent and I expected to hear more pain than maturity. However, one thing that made me happiest was knowing she was going to be okay. Because you see, I was ready to tell her everything was going to be okay, that I’d be there to support her through it all, and that he wasn’t worth her time anyway (I only say this when it’s appropriate). Yet, she already knew all of this.
Let’s be real though, not many of us can handle a breakup that easily. Most of us go through tons of crying that eventually leads to our girls forcing us to go out clubbing and drinking the pain away. Then, we’re able to finally rationalize and turn the pain and anger into motivation. Meanwhile, others aren’t as fortunate and instead fall and remain in bad habits or decide to rebound. But rather than rebounding, I suggest you do exactly as my friend said she’d do.
Focus on yourself. Breaking up with someone you’ve been emotionally and physically intimate with isn’t easy. You’ve shared arguments, tears, and laughter. You’ve talked about your dreams and aspirations. You’ve leaned on them for support and comforted each other during difficult times. It’s understandable that it’s going to hurt. In fact, it will hurt - a lot. But don’t stay hurt. Use the pain as motivation to never make that same mistake again, assuming it ended on bad terms. If you truly want to move on, build yourself emotionally and spiritually. Remind yourself of the powerful and beautiful woman that you are. Don’t sit around waiting on text messages that will never come in, and don’t initiate them either. Don’t look through their social media pages to only hurt yourself more. Don’t contact their friends to see how they’re doing.
Move on and let go.
Don’t let your significant other define you. And never let the pain they’ve caused you define who you are either. Take out the anger on the dance floor if you have to. Finish that bottle of tequila (with your friends). Take a trip to Thailand. Apply to the job you’ve always wanted. Stay distracted by your goals and be ambitious. But don’t stay stuck in the past and don’t immediately look for a replacement. You are too much of a wonderful woman to let yourself fall or take the easy way out.
Whatever you need to do to move on, do it. But never forget who you were before being in a relationship with them. Your relationship with them should never define you. On the contrary, your actions alone will.