Healthy Habits Every Successful Couple Does
By Vanessa Palencia
Just recently, I was listening to one of Taylor Swift’s new song, “Don’t Blame Me,” when she started crooning about how we shouldn’t blame her because “love made [her] crazy” and if it doesn’t then “we ain’t doing it right.” As soon as my 7-year-old son heard that, he decided that he didn’t like it at all. When I asked him why, he said, “She says that there’s only one right way to love, but you can do it however you want. You don’t have to go crazy.” While his understanding of love is very mature for his age, he still has a lot to learn.
Yes, he was right to point out that those lyrics are deceiving, but not for the reason he gave. Taylor did a beautiful job composing the music and lyrics together, but if there’s one thing we all need to learn, it’s that love shouldn’t make you crazy. Being “Crazy in Love” (Queen B reference) is a romanticized notion that love is an emotional roller coaster ride that does crazy loops and turns with no means to an end. Many young couples believe that being jealous is a surefire sign of being in love and associate a chaotic, fire-fueled, argumentative relationship as ‘true love’ when it isn’t. As someone who’s in a solid, healthy relationship, I understand that love is expressed differently between each couple and that each situation differs. But I also know the necessary healthy habits that couples need to implement into their relationship to ensure its success!
1. Talk things out:
I’m sure we’ve all heard this one before, but it’s at the top of the list for a reason. Communication is key. My partner never fails to remind me that a closed mouth never gets fed. No matter how long you’ve been together, it’s impossible to know exactly what your partner is thinking and feeling every second of the day. It’s also misleading to say one thing but mean another. Don’t play games. Say what you mean and ask for what you want.
2. Speak their love language:
If you’re not familiar with your love language, then be sure to take this quiz by Gary Chapman first. It’s essential that you understand what your love language is and what your partner’s love language is. The one mistake a lot of couples make is show their partner love in the way that they themselves feel loved, and not in the way their partners feel loved.
3. Respect each other:
Don’t go pointing out your flaws to each other and don’t put the other down for having opposing views on a subject. Healthy relationships are built on a solid foundation of trust, respect, and communication. Respecting your partner means to love and accept them for all that they are.
4. Take care of each other:
Happy, healthy couples understand the value of nurturing their partners whenever they’ve had a long, tiring week at work, have had a bad day, or just need some extra tender loving care. You can never go wrong with pampering your significant other with a spa day, some time set aside to watch Netflix, or running a nice hot bath for them while you whip up some baked goods. Whatever you do, make sure that at the end of the day, you’re helping to build you and your partner up mentally, emotionally, and physically.
5. Have complete, unwavering trust
Like I mentioned earlier, so many people associate jealousy and stalker-like behavior with love. To love someone completely is to trust them implicitly. Trust that they will remain loyal, trust that they will keep to their words and promises, and trust that they will love and protect you unconditionally.
6. Know the value and power in intimacy
Physical touch is a very powerful tool, as is the power of intimacy. When you are intimate with your partner, you are allowing yourself to be at your most vulnerable. You give yourself completely to them, and through the process you exchange all of your spiritual and emotional energy. Intimacy deepens the love and trust you have for each other, so it’s not an act that should be taken lightly. Don’t use it to avoid confrontation or to manipulate the other person’s emotions.
7. Work and grow together
There’s a reason why they say the ultimate relationship test is building an IKEA furniture set together. Whether you’re working together out in the business world or not, you two are working together at life. This means you need to continually challenge each other and grow together. You can’t have one person who’s always working on being positive and the other who’d rather wallow in their own self pity. You can’t have one of you manage all of your finances and the other spend all the money.
8. Spend time together
There’s nothing greater than spending unsolicited quality time together with your significant other. As human beings, we tend to change and grow with the seasons, so spending quality time together helps to check in with your partner and ask them how they’re doing, find out whether their tastes have evolved, and ultimately continue to learn about each other. There’s nothing more valuable than the time you give to someone you love.
9. Remember to laugh
Couples who laugh together are happier together. It’s not surprising considering that laughter is the best medicine. Successful couples always try to see the brighter and funnier side to things in dire circumstances and they understand the importance of ‘letting loose.’
10. Give it your all
No matter what. You can’t half-ass your love and care in a relationship and expect something great to come out of it. Couples in successful relationships will tell you that they give their best every day. They give love in abundance because they know that the grass will only be green if they continue to water it.